But many of us were raised in households where compliance was the best way to get along. We learned from that.
Possibly to our detriment. We learned to appease, not to make waves, to subjugate our own wishes to the desires of others.
Some people are so heavily into compliance (sometimes disguised as “service”) that they don’t even know what they think. Their focus is on what other people think, and want, and how they can fill the other person’s needs.
When compliance comes up against a question such as “what do you want?”, the compliant often turn it back to the enquirer ( “what do You want?”) or they might say, “Oh, I don’t mind…” This condition is described as being a doormat.
A habit of compliance leads to no longer thinking for oneself.
It’s important for anyone, child or not, to know what the boundaries are. If everything one does is wrong, the boundary is amorphous. You’re left constantly searching for what is right. If the rules are clear, the boundaries are firmer: you know what’s okay and what’s not okay. When the behavior is totally disruptive to those around him/her, as a regular response, then it’s time to look at why.
When someone is trying to express him/herself in a manner that is “breaking the rules”, take another look. Notice the personality that is trying to assert itself. Breaking the rules is not, in itself, a bad thing. It allows innovation and creation. Some of the greatest rule breakers are famous, and rich.
Preparing a child for making decisions, weighing options, pros and cons, is a parental skill. Schooling should assist in developing this asset but often schoolwork is not much more than a rote memory exercise.
Thinking for oneself, having the courage to explore options, knowing that failure is inevitable at some point in life and can be a tool to growth, are concepts that help one to manifest talent and create a life course.
Compliance does not equal safety. The only safety in life is confidence in your own abilities.
Go for it!